That's not a name, that's an ejaculation.

Me on sharks.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:06:55 -0400

Me: That shark just... Littered in the ocean.
Hallie: Talk about shitting where you eat.

Tumblr Queue

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:00:38 -0400

Hallie: I'm gonna set up a queue.
Me: ...WHY?
Hallie: Because then I can TUMBL things even when I'm SLEEPING, YOU IDIOT!

Question...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 15:56:35 -0400

lizzyhaldane:

Why, in the scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with the boggarts, does that one girl turn the snake (which, you know, I guess is kind of scary if you’re afraid of snakes)

into the most PANTS SHITTINGLY TERRIFYING CLOWN EVER??

I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, just LOOK AT IT. I’d rather cut open my own stomach, disembowel myself, and hang myself at the entrance of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter with my own entrails than EVER play with that fucking jack-in-the-box. JESUS.

… i was really weird my freshman year

“What’s The Globe?”

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:45:34 -0500

“What’s The Globe?”

“Hey Kat, remember how I was talking the Air Bud movie? I’ve been...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:45:30 -0500

“Hey Kat, remember how I was talking the Air Bud movie? I’ve been thinking…wouldn’t that really hurt a dog’s nose? Like…that would hurt our nose.”

"Would you rather be homeless or kill a homeless person?"

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:44:27 -0500

"WHAT? THEY SHUT DOWN MEGAVIDEO? HOW AM I GONNA DO MY HOMEWORK NOW??"

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:44:25 -0500

“Oh wait. That’s Wiki.”

"One time I was on ChatRoulette..."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:38:49 -0500

“and, I said, ‘like, no homo, but I want to make this guy cum.’

Like have you guys seen all those dicks?

It’s like they’re all jacking off for me.

It’s like a confidence boost.”

"I don't know... I was just trying to cope."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:35:27 -0500

talking about the quote immediately under this one.

"I don't know why I didn't get in, I was the funniest one there."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:34:55 -0500

"You're eating vegetables for dinner? ... You're an asshole."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:34:27 -0500

"I can't wait to go to Paris, where Ratatouille was filmed."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:34:03 -0500

"Sometimes you have to date a 4 to appreciate an 8."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:33:32 -0500

as I am typing this…

“It’s ‘an’ 8. GRAMMAR!”

"I feel like looking for Adele, but I feel like I'd just look like for a fat person."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:32:37 -0500

"Wait...wasn't the point of Mary Poppins was that she was dead the whole time?"

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:31:26 -0500

“Oh wait, never mind. That was The Sixth Sense.”

"...Jizz on the face?"

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:30:00 -0500