That's not a name, that's an ejaculation.

Me on sharks.

Me: That shark just... Littered in the ocean.

Hallie: Talk about shitting where you eat.

Tumblr Queue

Hallie: I'm gonna set up a queue.
Me: ...WHY?
Hallie: Because then I can TUMBL things even when I'm SLEEPING, YOU IDIOT!

Question…

lizzyhaldane:

Why, in the scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with the boggarts, does that one girl turn the snake (which, you know, I guess is kind of scary if you’re afraid of snakes)

into the most PANTS SHITTINGLY TERRIFYING CLOWN EVER??

I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, just LOOK AT IT. I’d rather cut open my own stomach, disembowel myself, and hang myself at the entrance of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter with my own entrails than EVER play with that fucking jack-in-the-box. JESUS.

… i was really weird my freshman year

“What’s The Globe?”

“Hey Kat, remember how I was talking the Air Bud movie? I’ve been thinking…wouldn’t that really hurt a dog’s nose? Like…that would hurt our nose.”

“Would you rather be homeless or kill a homeless person?”

“WHAT? THEY SHUT DOWN MEGAVIDEO? HOW AM I GONNA DO MY HOMEWORK NOW??”

“Oh wait. That’s Wiki.”

“One time I was on ChatRoulette…”

“and, I said, ‘like, no homo, but I want to make this guy cum.’

Like have you guys seen all those dicks?

It’s like they’re all jacking off for me.

It’s like a confidence boost.”

“I don’t know… I was just trying to cope.”

talking about the quote immediately under this one.

“I don’t know why I didn’t get in, I was the funniest one there.”